Over 13 million people tuned into last Sunday’s The Walking Dead and they are all unhappy. But not for the same reasons I am still scowling at the television set.
Let’s rewind a bit. Way back to a few years ago when I saw all these people posting on Facebook about this show where zombies take over the world. It sounded stupid. In fact, when I word it like that, it still sounds stupid.
So, there I was walking around for the first four seasons of The Walking Dead and wasn’t even curious about it.
But then, there was a New Year’s Walking Dead marathon on and the TV just happened to be on AMC when the very first episode started. I made the beautifully grave mistake of not turning the channel. At first, I just wanted to see what all the hype was about. The next thing you know, the day turned into a couch festival. I rang in the new year with a delivered pizza and finished the first season in one sitting.
Fast forward and season 6 has only three episodes remaining before the winter break. One of the main characters landed flat on his back underneath a dead body with hundreds of “walkers” closing in on him. Two full episodes have aired with no closure on Glenn’s fate. Is he dead? Did he manage to get himself inside the garbage can he fell from? Did a new character we have yet to meet come in and save the day? We, the viewers, won’t know until the writers stop this insanity of making us wait.
This is expected, though. Isn’t it? TV shows want to keep the audience hanging. Let’s get down to the real disappointments here.
Disney the Dead
I watched Fear the Walking Dead when it aired over the summer. With it taking place in Los Angeles, I wanted to see the zombie apocalypse hit Disneyland. Could you imagine seeing a zombie version of Cinderella chewing Snow White’s arm off with “It’s a Small World” playing in the background?
Am I the only one who wonders why these survivors aren’t booking it to the amusement parks? Free admission, folks. That would be the first place I would want to go if the world was taken over by zombies. Seriously, who wants to die in a prison or a shed out in the middle of nowhere? Live out your last moments in the happiest place on earth. I’d rather be killed by a zombie in a princess dress or Mickey Mouse costume than a gurgling skeleton in torn flannel and blood-soaked denim.
And when I die, I’m going with a mouth full of cotton candy and a balloon tied to my wrist.
Let’s talk about the vehicles. There are millions of automobiles in this country. Why is it they always go for the broken down 1984 Ford F-150 and the 1970 Winnebago motor home? Breaking down on the side of the road with walkers closing in can only happen so many times before I throw my snuggly fleece blanket at the television. Just once, just once. That’s all I ask. Just once, please let them steal the BMW and go for a joyride. And please, let it be Carol and Daryl to do it.
Speaking of the motor home, the writers really missed the boat on this. Could you imagine the ratings if Rick would have opened the motor home door to find Jesse and Walt cooking meth? Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Every time I see a motor home, I think of Breaking Bad.
Carol + Daryl = Happy Melissa
Let’s go back to Carol and Daryl. I’m just going to get this off my chest now. Every episode without Carol and Daryl is like watching The Brady Bunch without Alice. It’s like a Shirley Temple without a cherry. Watching an episode without Carol and Daryl is like a Thanksgiving dinner with the driest turkey you have ever had to eat and no milk to go with it.
Two weeks. The last two weeks, we haven’t seen Carol. We haven’t seen Daryl. And we still have no clue what Glenn is doing. Is he zombified and gurgling with the hundreds of new walker friends he just made? I checked out IMDb and noticed Steven Yeun (Glenn) is only credited 2010-2015. Others are credited through 2016.
I’m thinking he’s a goner.
Walking Dead Meets Wal-Mart
Is anyone else disappointed we haven’t seen how a Wal-Mart looks in a zombie take over? Do yourself a favor and do a Google image search of “People of Wal-Mart” and tell me you wouldn’t want to see zombies wearing some of those outfits.
If you ask me, that’s how they should have taken out the Governor. He should have met his fate in the frozen food section, bitten by an obese male zombie wearing a leotard.
I can tell you what doesn’t disappoint me about The Walking Dead. Eugene’s hair. Actually, everything about Eugene is one big un-disappointment.
Carl’s hair is a completely different story. That kid needs a haircut. Just not like Eugene’s because Eugene is the only one who can rock a mullet.